What Dreams May Come
by blueaeryn1
Summary: After five years of marriage, Peyton feels something missing in her life. Will Lucas give it to her?
1. Chapter 1

The strains of a child's laughter washed over her. She smiled as she watched her five-year-old daughter run in circles past her, as she was being playfully chased by a dark haired boy the same age.

"I have a feeling there will be more of that to come," she heard her husband's deep timbre voice say beside her. He nudged her shoulder with his and chuckled.

"I don't know why you find that idea so funny, Dad," she asked. She nudged him back with her own shoulder. She then reached down and grasped his hand in hers and squeezed it.

"You're right, I am putting a stop to this right now," he said and feigned getting up. She gripped his hand tighter and pulled him down.

"I think we are safe for now," she laid her head on his shoulder. "But it is nice to see her playing and so happy."

It still amazed Peyton Sawyer Scott at the miracle in front of her – her daughter Sawyer Brooke Scott. She beat all the odds to be born and Peyton beat all the odds to stay alive to see her now.

Fate, that fickle trickster had taken so much from her. She still wondered if this life she was living was a dream she would wake up from and face a real life that was a nightmare. But each morning she awoke to her husband Lucas beside her and her angel of a daughter down the hall.

Life was good but something was missing.

Peyton settled in and waited for her husband to come to bed. He was tucking in their daughter and reading her just on more story, as she always pleaded, before bedtime. She was so her father's daughter; with her love of books and her increasing love of basketball.

Lucas walked through the doorway of their bedroom and headed for his wife. He leaned over her and kissed her on the forehead.

"Is she all tucked in?" Peyton asked as she reached up and took his hand to pull Lucas down beside her.

"Yep, two stories and she was out like a light," Lucas told her and clasped his hand tighter to hers. "The park was a great idea, really wore her out."

"What did I tell you?" Peyton smiled at him. "It was a good day."

"Every day I can spend with you and Sawyer are good days," Lucas said and then dipped his head in embarrassment. He realized how sappy the comment was even before all the words left his mouth.

Peyton saw the slight blush in Lucas' cheek. "You are such a dork sometimes," she said and reached up and stroked his cheek. "But you are my dork."

"Kind of like when I was such a mess," Lucas brought up alluding to a dark time in their history.

"Yep, that too," Peyton giggled.

"What is up with you today, by the way," Lucas brought up kind of out of the blue. They had known each other since they were 16, been friends or lovers for almost 15 and married for five. Lucas knew when Peyton had something on her mind.

"What do you mean?" Peyton turned her head slightly. "I told you this was a great day."

"Yeah, a day that saw my wife staring off into space," Lucas pointed out. "And looking sad at other times."

"It's just that…" Peyton began but stopped.

"What," Lucas prompted stroking his hand through her hair.

"I feel like something is missing," Peyton admitted rushing out her words. "I feel selfish for saying this, but I feel like there is a hole."

"What kind of hole," Lucas asked but having a sinking feeling he already knew the answer.

"It's just that…" Peyton bit her lip. "I want another baby, Lucas." Peyton let out a deep breath. "There I said it."

Lucas got up from the bed and moved to the other side of the room. He began to pace and rubbed the back of his neck with his right hand.

"You know how I feel about this, Peyton," Lucas exclaimed. He rubbed his face with both his hands. "I almost lost you last time. I almost lost Sawyer. To me, it's not worth it." Tears he had been trying to hold back began to pool in his eyes.

"Oh, but honey," Peyton said as she got out of bed and moved to his side. "I want to give Sawyer a brother or sister. Someone she can rely on when we aren't around some day."

"I don't want that someday to be in a few months, if we loose YOU," he added emphasis on the you. "I can't and won't live a life without you, Peyton."

"But, Lucas," Peyton began. Lucas stepped away and turned his back on her.

"Don't do this to me Peyton," he said quietly. "Please, don't ask me to do this."

"Fine," Peyton said. "I'm going to the spare room for the night."

"Peyton, please," Lucas pleaded. "Don't be like this. Don't let this tear us apart. We have more then we ever dreamed of. Do we have to be greedy?"

"No," Peyton said as she went to the bedroom doorway. "I just need some time."

"Peyton," Lucas tried again but she walked out.

Lucas moved to the foot of the bed and sat down. He put his head in his hands and stared at the floor. He thought back to four of the worst days of his life. The feeling of sheer joy coupled with the oppressive feeling of utter grief. On the one hand, he held this beautiful new life in his hands, his baby daughter Sawyer. In the other, death had a strong grip on the only woman he had truly loved, his angel Peyton Sawyer Scott.

Thinking about having to go through that again forced the bile to rise in his throat. Peyton could hate him, hold a grudge or just plain resent him until the end of time for not wanting another baby. But at least she would still be alive, he would have his wife and Sawyer would have her mother. He could live with that trade-off.

Lucas just wondered if Peyton could.

In the early morning hours, Lucas felt the bed dip and arm wrap around his waist. He reached up and stroked his wife's arm.

"I'm sorry," she whispered in his ear and laid her head on his shoulder. "I just feel cheated. Feel like I am cheating you."

Lucas rolled over and Peyton moved back to lay her head on her pillow. He propped his head on his hand and looked down at her. "Never feel that way, Peyton. Never." He stared at her intently. "We are so blessed. We have everything. Let's not wish for things we can't have."

"Okay," Peyton said. Lucas noticed a lone tear began to streak down her cheek. Lucas leaned down and kissed her. He laid back and pulled her into his embrace. "I love you," he whispered. "This, having you in my arms and our daughter down the hall, it is all I will ever need."

Peyton shook her head and nuzzled closer to him. All the while, that hole inside her grew a bit wider.


	2. Chapter 2

Peyton breezed into the kitchen of their home three days later. She had a very productive meeting with a new band and felt invigorated. Her business was thriving. She had walked away from it five years ago, after Sawyer was born, giving up most of her interest to John and Haley. However, when she and Lucas decided to move back two years ago, she had bought back controlling interest and picked up almost where she left off.

She smiled when she saw Sawyer sitting at the kitchen table with her fork in her hand. "What is going on with you?" Peyton chuckled.

"Daddy said it would be ready, it's not ready." She pouted.

"What isn't ready?" Peyton looked over to see Lucas at the stove. He was stirring something in a big pot.

"Little miss wanted spaghetti," Lucas said almost as if he was tattling on Sawyer. "Even though I had chicken thawing, so, she has to wait."

"It is a tragedy," Peyton exclaimed. "I am going to put away my stuff and I will be back to help," Peyton held up her large brown leather bag.

"Hurry," Sawyer whined. "Daddy needs help and I am hungry."

"If you want to eat, you know you shouldn't have your mom help," Lucas laughed to himself. "She can't even bake cookies."

"So not fair bringing that up over and over," Peyton slapped him on the shoulder as she walked by. "I was a senior in high school and in love."

"What's your excuse now?" Lucas shot back as she walked out of ear shot.

"Low blow, Scott," Peyton said back over her shoulder as she left the room.

After an amazing dinner of spaghetti and garlic bread, Lucas told Sawyer she was excused from the table.

"Can I play with it, Daddy?" Sawyer looked up at Lucas with an expectant stare. "Please." She clasped her hands as if in prayer.

"Yes," Lucas tapped his daughter on the head. "Just don't make a mess."

"What isn't she making a mess with," Peyton said as she turned from her chair to watch her daughter leave the kitchen.

"Play-dough," Lucas whispered underneath his breath.

"Did you just say play-dough" Peyton asked as she turned back to Lucas. "Do you remember what she did with it the last time?" She kicked up her eyebrow at her husband.

"Oh, you mean when she decided to carpet her bedroom floor with it," Lucas said trying to hold back a laugh.

"Yeah, and it took us a day and a half to get it up," Peyton said agitated.

"You heard her," Lucas pointed in the direction his daughter went. "She promised not to make a mess."

Peyton smiled at her husband. "I have a feeling Sawyer's second chance with Play-dough has nothing to do with our daughter's promise to not make a mess with it."

"Why can I never hide anything from you?" Lucas tapped his hand on the kitchen table and raised himself from his chair. He went to a drawer beside the sink and pulled out a stack of papers.

"Here," Lucas said as he handed the stack to Peyton. "I think we should look into this. It gives us both what we want."

Peyton looked down at the papers and brochures and one words stood out to her. SURROGATE. "What is this, Lucas?" Peyton held them up to him.

"It is a way for us to give Sawyer a brother or sister, you get to have another baby and me to keep my sanity." Lucas took the brochures and papers from Peyton and laid them on the table. "I want to give you everything, Peyton. Let me give you another baby, but my way. Please." Lucas squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for Peyton to argue with him.

"Okay," she said in that sweet soft voice she got when she was overwhelmed with emotion.

"What?" Lucas opened his eyes in surprise. "Did you just say, yes?"

Peyton shook her head yes. "I can do this." She took his hand and kissed it. "Let's do this."

Lucas knew what he was asking of Peyton and he knew what she was giving up. He could see the pain, the loss and what might have been in her eyes.

Lucas and Peyton hadn't just up and decided to move back to Tree Hill. They had built a nice life for themselves in New York. After they left their hometown, they had traveled with Karen, Andy and Lilly for almost a year. It was a chance for Lucas to spend time with his mom, get to know his sister better and all of them spend time with baby Sawyer.

After a year, the tiny family decided to move to New York. Lucas had just finished his third novel and Peyton wanted to explore the music scene that was exploding in the Brooklyn area. They found a nice brownstone, moved in and began their life.

A few months later Peyton found out she was pregnant. Lucas was scared, Peyton was happy and Sawyer just knew her parents were acting different. Lucas hovered around Peyton, and Peyton would cry for no reason. The doctor told them there was just a slim chance of this pregnancy being high risk, and so they tried to allow themselves be happy.

The happiness was short-lived. When Peyton was 10 weeks pregnant when she started experiencing heavy bleeding and a few short hours she lost the baby. Peyton was devastated and Lucas tried to be strong for her.

Peyton lashed out at Lucas, telling him she lost the baby because he didn't really want the it. She stayed in her room for two weeks. Lucas tried to talk to her, to tend to her, but she shut him out.

Sawyer was confused. Her mother was always so loving and attentive to her. She wasn't like that anymore. Sawyer began to cry a lot and finally refused to go in and see her Peyton at all. She became Lucas' shadow and wouldn't leave his side.

Lucas knew he had to take drastic action. He went into their bedroom and pulled back the curtains. Peyton groaned and pulled the covers over her head.

"Get up," Lucas said as he walked to her and pulled back the covers. "You are getting up and we are getting on with our lives."

"Go to hell," Peyton said in the sardonic tone from her youth. She rolled over in bed.

"No," Lucas said taking Peyton's arm. "This is enough." He drug Peyton to her feet and grabbed her face.

Peyton tried to turn her gaze from his but he wouldn't let her.

"Listen to me," Lucas began. "It rips my heart out that we lost our baby. I think about it every day and carry that grief with me. But life goes on. We have a daughter out there," Lucas pointed to the door. "Who misses her mother and doesn't understand what has happened to her. She cries all the time and won't leave my side."

"Enough is enough, Peyton," Lucas leaned his forehead to hers. "I love you with my whole heart. And I know it hurts we lost our baby, but we have a baby here with us that needs her mother."

Peyton began to cry and soon it became uncontrollable. She leaned her head onto Lucas' shoulder and wrapped her arms around him. "I'm sorry," she said into his shoulder.

"Shhh," Lucas said rubbing the back of her head. "There is nothing to be sorry for. It's going to be okay. We are going to get past this. But we have to do it together."

"I want to go home," Peyton said lifting her head. "I want to go home to Tree Hill."

"Really?" Lucas smiled down at her.

Peyton simply shook her head yes.

"Well," Lucas said hugging her tight. "Let's go home."

And so they moved back to Tree Hill and began to heal and re-build their lives.

Lucas had picked up and moved back to their hometown without a second thought. He had given her everything and was still trying to.

So, they would have a baby. A part of her and a part of him, it would just be another woman would be carrying the baby.

She came back to the present and looked at Lucas. "Let's make a baby," she told him and then started to cry.


	3. Chapter 3

The next few months were a mixture of trying to live a normal life while balancing meetings with lawyers and possible surrogates. It was a long and arduous process coupled with the fact that Lucas and Peyton were trying to keep everything to themselves. They had decided not to tell friends and family of their plans. It was a very private matter to them, and though the tended to share everything with those close to them, they adopted the philosophy that if this didn't workout, the heartbreak would be theirs alone.

All their fears were washed away one warm spring Tuesday afternoon when they meet Ashley Thomas. Ashley was a mother of two. Her husband was a mechanic at a local garage in Tree Hill. The couple had been hit hard by the latest economic crisis. Ashley had a job as a secretary in a local business, but when the business folded, she lost her job. The family of four was currently living on Ashley's husband Kyle's meager salary.

Ashley admitted she had never thought of being a surrogate for hire. But she remembered the struggles of a co-worker to get pregnant and how the couple drifted apart after years of infertility. She had put her name on a surrogate list on a whim, for the most part, but new if she got a call it was something she would seriously consider.

Lucas and Peyton met Ashley in their lawyer Ed Longmire's office. The conference room was austere and a mahogany table filled the room. Lucas and Peyton sat on one side, with Mr. Longmire sitting at the head of the table. Ashley sat across from Lucas and Peyton.

"Well, let's get started, shall we?" Ed asked trying to dispense with the tense feeling in the air.

"Why," Peyton simply said leveling her gaze to Ashley.

Ashley bit her lip and pushed a strand of light brown hair from her face. Peyton noticed the dark circles around her eyes. Ashley's fingernails were also cut short and lacked any trace of nail polish. Peyton looked down at her own hands perfectly manicured and painted red. It was one thing she coincided to her best friend Brooke. People were shocked to learn Peyton Sawyer-Scott spent time getting a manicure but yes she did.

Peyton knew it was wrong to take in Ashley's appearance as she did. But she could also see the worry and hardship etched on her face. Personally, and a times professionally, Peyton had her struggles. She lamented about the darkness in her life and her two dead mothers and a psycho stalker. But at the end of the day she had amazing friends and a man who was completely in love with her. Not to say that Ashley didn't have the same but the financial worries, she could tell, were taking its toll.

"There is no secret we need the money," Ashley finally spoke. "But it is so much more then that. Kyle and I are blessed with two beautiful boys, who we love dearly. I couldn't imagine wanting a child and not being able to have one. I want to do that for someone."

Lucas looked at his wife and smiled. Peyton turned back to him and returned his smile. They didn't have to speak. A look was enough. They knew they had found their surrogate.

With papers signed and legalities out of the way, the science of the agreement began. Peyton was put on high levels of hormones so they could harvest her egg. Lucas had to make a deposit at the sperm bank, one of the most embarrassing experiences of his life, he had admitted to Peyton afterwards.

Finally the day came. Lucas and Peyton met Ashley at the fertility clinic. They had fully intended to wait in the waiting room during the procedure but Ashley insisted they be present.

"It will be like you are there for conception," Ashley said and then dipped her head with a blush.

"Thank you," Peyton said grasping her hand.

After everything was set with Ashley, Lucas and Peyton were led back into a surgical room. Ashley lay on the table with her feet in stirrups. Doctor Sebastian was dressed in a blue surgical gown and wore a pair of glasses on his face. He held what Lucas could only deduce was a huge syringe.

"Are we ready to make a baby," Dr. Sebastian asked.

"Yes," Lucas, Peyton and Ashley said in unison.

Lucas grasped Peyton's hand and they watched the doctor reach under the sheet covering Ashley's bottom half. Peyton noticed Ashley wince just slightly.

"You will feel some pressure," the doctor announced. "Just a few more seconds and done." He stepped back and smiled.

"Now what?" Lucas asked.

"Now we wait." The doctor patted Ashley's knee. I would like you to stay there for a bit but afterwards you can go about your normal activity. Well, except intercourse." He winked at Ashley and then to Lucas and Peyton. "Wouldn't want any confusion."

All three answered with nervous laugther.

And wait they did for almost four agonizing weeks until they got the call. Lucas was in the floor playing blocks with Sawyer when the phone rang. Peyton when to get it and came back in the living room with tears in her eyes.

"What is it?" Lucas jumped up from the floor scooping Sawyer up with him.

"We're pregnant," Peyton said as tears began to roll down her check.


End file.
